Starting tomorrow...

There's a health education theory called the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change. Better known as the Stages of Change Model.

Basically, this theory assesses a person's readiness to act on a new healthier behavior, and provides strategies, or processes of change to guide the person through the stages of change. In other words, you go through six stages anytime you make a behavior change:

1. Pre-contemplation (Not Ready). This is when you do not intend to make any action or change in the foreseeable future and may be unaware that your behavior is even a problem.
2. Contemplation (Getting Ready). You start to recognize that your behavior has a negative impact and begin to look at the pros and cons of your continued actions.
3. Preparation (Ready). In this stage, you intend to make a change in your behavior sometime in the immediate future and may even take small steps towards this change.
4. Action. Just like it sounds, you've taken action and made the behavior change.
5. Maintenance. This is the stage where you sustain your new behavior and work to prevent relapses.
6. Termination. I'm not sure anyone ever gets here, but if you do, it means you aren't tempted to slip back into your old habits at all.

I'm being blunt honest here, I fail miserably in my own field of health education. At least the nutrition and physical activity part. I kid you not when I say this, but I've been stuck in the contemplation stage - "yeah, I'm going to start exercising" - for over a year. Probably longer if I really think about it. And I work for the health department, live in one of the healthiest cities in Utah, have financial means available to me to do this, and just plain know better! And yet, here I stayed stuck in this foggy day dream that I was still as active, healthy, and skinny as I was in college. 

Up until the last three months or so, I was in denial about how fat I've become. I saw pictures of myself and thought it couldn't possibly be me in that body. The pudgy face, "relief society" arms swaying in the breeze, cankles, and post-baby pooch that keeps growing. I tried to run around with my kids and got so out of breathe and thought, what happened? I used to be able to run for HOURS every day... my body craved the sweat and burning lungs and calves during a good run. I've been in complete denial that I'm no longer the athletic, had-to-run-everyday, healthy, active, toned me that I once was.

I've made excuse after excuse. I'm too tired. I stay up too late. I'm not a morning person. I really don't want to miss my favorite T.V. show tonight. If I can't be at the same level as I was during my "peak" right now then I don't want to even try. I'm too busy. I have YW. I should be cleaning or doing the laundry or a million other things I never get to. It hurts to run. It won't work. I'm stressed out... my kids are driving me bonkers, work is too busy to take my 1/2 hour of paid exercise time, my family needs dinner, I got home late from work, and on and on. 

The biggest "excuses" I have though, is first, I don't have a dog and I don't live in the "country." Seriously. In all the years I ran, I had my dog, Sam right beside me, running through alfalfa fields, on dirt roads, and all over rural Cache Valley without the worry of traffic, stop lights, and people staring at you. A dog who had boundless energy and even after a good 5-7 mile run, he was ready for more the minute we got home. And second, that I'm a working mom who feels guilty for taking my kids to daycare everyday. I'm gone from them for 6-8 hours a day and feel like taking another hour when we get home for "me time" is the most selfish thing I could do. I can't possibly leave them again when I've been gone all day from them. If someone could take the guilt away from me, then I'd go exercise at night. 

Some of them are still fairly valid in my mind but they're excuses nonetheless. Excuses with solutions, even if those solutions require effort on my part. 

So there I sat in contemplation month after month after month. Telling myself, "starting tomorrow I'll go on that walk." And it never happened.

Then a group of friends said they wanted to do a mud race in August. In all the years I actually did run, I never signed up for a race. Something about an unresolved issue I have with my years as a soccer player in high school and having running used as punishment for everything we did or didn't do and never being able to beat the naturally talented runners on the team. Plus, I hate working out with others. I enjoyed my solitude when I ran, with the exception of my running mate (dog), Sam. I agreed to sign up, thinking it might be the kick I needed to get out of Contemplation and into Action.

It didn't work. Unless you count the fact that I began to seriously lay out a plan for how I'd get in daily exercise by convincing myself I'd have to get up at the crack of dawn to do it. Even if I'll never enjoy being a morning person!

Then a good friend invited me to join her June Challenge group. While I'm not doing all the prescribed workout and nutrition programs, I saw this as a way to get some support, encouragement, accountability from someone I trusted and felt safe with. This coupled with the mud race, and I made up my mind that it was finally time to take action. 

Two more weeks of serious Contemplation, and I set my alarm to get up at 6:00 a.m. so I could get an hour of walking in before Jeff left for work and the kids woke up. Of course, I soon learned my alarm clock is either broken or it's been so long since I had to get up on my own (since my alarm clock is my kids), that I'd forgotten how to set it. But I'd committed. I gave up on the alarm clock and set the alarm on my phone. Good thing Jeff's body tries to get him up as soon as the sun peaks over the mountains because I'd have slept right through it last week. I'd told Jeff the night before about what my plans were and he literally kicked me out of bed that first morning. I guess he was tired of hearing me complain under my breathe about how fat and gross I felt. That or he was mad my alarm had been going off for who knows how long :)

But I did it.

I got up early three times last week and walked. I did run a little bit, but my feet and calves were killing from wearing flip flops so much with no arch support. I hung my head in shame as all the "real runners" flew by me, sweat beaded up on their foreheads, and panting like someone who was really burning calories would. I felt humiliated, embarrassed, and wondering if this was even worth it. I don't even own a sports bra! For the record, I did not go braless but will be purchasing a sports bra real soon. When I made it back home and felt those fiery things you get in your muscles after working out (mainly in my rear end), I thought, hey maybe this is doing something. I felt so much more alert and energized than the days I simply let the kids get me up. Getting up sucks and Jeff pushed me out of bed every time, but I was glad I went. I got more done at work too but then struggled when I got home because my body wasn't used to getting up at 6:00 a.m. let alone going to bed when I need to in order to keep up my new behavior. 

As part of the June Challenge I joined with my friend, Sandy, I had to write down some goals and give them to her. Well, I've been thinking about goals all week. In my job, we are always writing SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-oriented) goals/objectives and it was really hard for me to distinguish between my "wish" goals for my body and what is realistic for me. I'd love to say, oh, lose 30 lbs, get my six-pack back, run 10 miles, and fit into a size 8 but it's not going to happen. Especially in our 30-day challenge. So to be honest with myself, I've come up with some SMART goals that I think will help me feel better about myself emotionally and physically. Hopefully they will blossom into some of those "wish" goals later.

1. Get up at 6:00 a.m. at least 4 times a week to go walking/running for an hour. 
2. Be able to turn those walks into runs and run 3 miles in preparation for the mud race I signed up to do in August.
3. Curb the late night snacking when I'm making lunches for myself and my husband. Notice I didn't say no snacking at all - baby steps here - but I know I consume unnecessary calories when I make lunches each night.
4. Take all my "measurements". I don't own a scale (long story as to why... let's just say for many years in high school and college food and I were mortal enemies and I was willing to do anything to myself to win that horrific battle I waged on myself). And I honestly have no clue how much I weigh, how many inches my waist, hips, thighs, and arms are, or what my "ideal" measurements even are! 
5. Go to bed by 11:30 p.m. (most nights anyway :)

And as a bonus, buy a sports bra. And maybe a new pair of shoes.

Wish me luck 'cause I've already failed rule #5 and 6:00 a.m. on my day off is going to come really early tomorrow.