How low can you go?

So I made chocolate chip cookies tonight, yes at 10 pm and yes, Pearl was still up! And that was after an earlier baking stint (well technically mixing I guess) with Peanut Butter Play Dough. Pearl was in cookie-making heaven! I however, had a sudden realization that I have totally slacked off with my baking standards. Long gone are the the days when I'd throw an entire batch of dough out just because it wasn't the perfect consistency. Yes, I was that anal!
My mom used to get so mad at me for doing that because one, I'd get so upset that it wasn't perfect and start crying, and two, because I created an even bigger mess that took twice as long to clean up and was twice as expensive had I just baked the darn cookies. I saw it as a favor to the world of poor individuals who had never tasted a truly perfect, delicious, chewy, plump chocolate chip cookie before. And I couldn't stand the thought that if I made even one bad batch of cookies, someone would think that they were awful. Crazy, yes! But that perfectionist drive in me, while causing some major problems from about 13-19, did some good too. My mom always told me that it was her cookies that won my dad's heart and I figured I could just bake cookies for boys and all would be set. Secretly I was just hoping that if I baked the world's best cookies, that no man would notice that I couldn't cook an actual meal. Who says one can't live off cookies alone anyway? It seemed to work too...I mean I got Jeff and he ate a lot of cookies while we were dating! But he seemed to figure out a lot faster than I had first anticipated that I couldn't cook.

Ok, so I'm off topic now. Back to the cookies. Tonight's dough wasn't ideal but I figured it was late and not worth my time or energy to start over. Plus I still had two loads of laundry to finish, clothes to put away, a sink of dishes to wash, and a kid to put to bed, oh and some blogging to catch up on. Although that nagging voice in my head to just dump the dough and start over never left. Thus began the hour + process of baking. As each batch emerged, the cookies started to look sorrier and sorrier. Urgh...the dread of not just staring over started to sink in. I guess I really have lowered my cookie making standards, and quite low I might add. Instead of these plump, slightly golden brown cookies, I got flat, thin, and hard to tell if they were under or overcooked cookies. Definitely not fit for any single lady who's trying to impress a man! Pearl tried to help rectify the situation by taking one of them and flattening it even more with her rolling pin. Seriously, what happened? Have I really stooped this low? I tend to blame it on my oven (which does suck) but in all honestly, it's just a coverup so I don't start crying at the thought of not being the world's best chocolate chip cookie maker anymore. I think it's a sign that maybe I've let that crazed, anal, stay-up-all-night to organize my closet, perfectionist die (or at least put her in hiding for a few years). Is that a good or a bad thing? I can't decide. Whatever it is, I'd just like to know that if need be, Jeff would still marry me all over again because he can't stand the thought of another guy getting all my cookies!

To go or not to go, that is the question

Let's face it, I'm old. Not to mention about 30 lbs heavier than when I graduated high school and way more forgetful! Now the reality of the last 10 years (while glorious) has come crashing down on me. It's time for my 10 year reunion. My high school doesn't have five year reunions so this is the first time my graduating class would be together again. Part of me wants to go and hear what everyone has done in their lives since we graduated, plus you know you want to see who's really hot now that we are in the real world, but another part of me says to stay away! I'd say I was a pretty outgoing girl in high school, with tons of friends, but never really tied to one group. I played sports but didn't just hang out with the jocks or popular kids. I had friends in the band, the "nerdy" valedictorian group (yes I was one of those), stoners, and just the normal kids. Which was great then and now because I really haven't ever worried about whether I was mean to anyone. But now I'm beginning to think that's not going to work in my favor if I decide to go the big 10 year reunion. My biggest fear is sitting all alone at the dinner or worse sitting with my brother (who just happened to marry a girl my age... just kidding Jesse)! And I'm terrified that I will feel like a fat, ugly blob who won't recognize someone or remember their name (remember I had a baby and lost all brain cells in the process). What should I do? If I go, I'd have to miss a weekend of fun at Bear Lake Raspberry Days with my family. But if I don't go, will I miss out on re-connecting with some friends I haven't seen in years? I guess I've thought a lot more about this than just whether my schedule is open because of my other blog post about "my girls".

Should I go? What did you do?