Let's face it, I'm just blogging so I have an excuse to post some pictures of Cole. It seems like every time I feel like I could actually write something that is comprehendable to the rest of the world or need to write as sort of a therapy to a crazy day, Cole starts fussing or Pearl needs something, or I know I should just go to bed. I'm not trying to make it sound like I'm complaining... being a mom is fantastic (most days)... but being a mom is exhausting. I feel like my brain is mush. My mom always told me my brain cells would literally be sucked out of me when I had kids and since this is my second go-around, the few remaining brain cells I do have must be running on empty. Not to mention the fact that I am reminded every day that my body is plenty mushy. It really struck me at my postpartum doctor's visit when I had to get weighed. I've got a lot of weight left to lose, not to mention toning! Urghhh... that's a whole other battle yet to begin.Is there even a word to describe how handsome, adorable, beautiful, cute my baby is? Geez, look at the kid! He's like a California dream boat!!! And is this not the cutest belly button you've ever seen? I know it's a heck of a lot cuter than mine!
Everyone keeps telling me I need to enter him a baby contest... anyone know of any legit ones out there (preferably with prize $$$)? And what's up with EVERYONE wanting to touch his golden hair? Yes, it's real! It's so funny to me! Just the other day we were in the store and this younger guy grabs his wife/girlfriend to show her how cute "that baby" is and to look at his hair. Then he asked if he could touch his hair... it's always the guys that are fascinated with it. Jealousy? Fear of going bald hits? At my postpartum doctor's visit my doc made everyone in the waiting room, mind you this is an OB office where most patients have babies themselves, look at Cole and his hair. He practically begged me to send him a picture of Cole to put in his "baby book" of all the babies he has delivered. He said Cole would be the favorite in there. As my mom tells everyone, Jeff "throws a good kid"... so funny to me! Yes, Jeff does make cute babies, doesn't he?
Cole is six weeks old. I can't believe it! It seems like it is flying by and yet ask me in the middle of the day and I'll tell you it is just dragging on and on. Cole is a pretty high maintenance baby, as best I can describe him. It must come with the hair! He tries so hard to be a good boy but the last few days he has been a pretty unhappy camper at times. It is exhausting!!! More so mentally than physically because he is sleeping anywhere from 6-8 hours at a stretch then usually goes back to sleep for a couple of hours and naps throughout the morning (even if it's just cat naps of about 45 minutes - just enough time to have a shower, make the bed, and get dressed). But he won't nap longer than an hour in the day. I have no clue what I do to my kids but neither Cole or Pearl were good daytime nappers but they were excellent nighttime sleepers. I tell ya, by the time 5 o'clock rolls around I am pooped.
I'm guessing a lot of the fussiness is from his reflux. He just can't seem to sit somewhere for very long so I spend the entire day moving him from place to place, trying to get him to stay on his back a little longer so he can wiggle around before the reflux kicks in. We go outside a lot and walk around in the heat to calm him down. I admit I totally baby my babies and pick them up if they start crying but with Cole I feel so bad for him because he looks like he is in pain! I just can't help it. I think the medicine he's on is helping but it won't cure reflux, just make it more manageable for all of us. I don't know how to describe it but I feel like I can't leave Cole. Maybe it's because of breastfeeding and knowing that you are the sole source of nourishment. Or some cruel trick of nature that is a survival tactic meant to keep babies alive. At any rate, that feeling is exhausting in and of itself. 
Six weeks left of maternity leave... I am so sad it's half-way done. I am so blessed to have a job that lets me take three months of leave. I feel blessed to be able to have both my kids in daycare in my office building but it still sucks to go back. Sure, I miss adult conversations and feeling like I am actually good at what I'm doing all day long but I think this time around it will be even harder to go back than it was with Pearl. Don't get me wrong, it was really hard to leave Pearl with people I didn't know but it wasn't so bad after the first few days of adjusting to a new routine. I never thought anyone would be able to figure out what her little cries meant but after a few days her teachers probably knew better than me what she needed. But when I think about leaving Cole at daycare, even though I know the teachers now, I want to cry. I don't know if I can do it. I'm not sure staying at home is the best idea - I'm not sure I have it cut out to be a stay-at-home mom... I don't cook dinner, I barely get the laundry done, the house was finally dusted after six weeks of neglect, I don't do crafts, bake cakes, teach preschool, and all those other things stay-at-home moms find time to do, not to mention I loose my patience with Pearl at least 20 times a day and am a pretty boring mom - but as promised to Jeff, he hasn't come home to me in my jammies once since I've been on maternity leave so at least I've got that going for myself. 
Maybe it's so much harder to think about because he is more high maintenance than Pearl was and that he has reflux so he really can't just be left to play on the floor on his back, but the thought of him crying there breaks my heart. What if they don't put him on his tummy to sleep and he starts choking or gagging? What if he lays on his back too long and gets an upset tummy? I know the teachers can't just hold my child all day but I worry about him so much with his reflux. I'm hoping it's a lot better by the time I go back in mid August so I'm not in tears everyday I drop him off. 
At any rate, if I keep typing I'll probably start crying if I continue to think about all this. I could ramble on and on about a ton of things on my mind but best to save them for another day. Besides, I'll be seeing my "best friend" (see here for explanation) in a few hours and I better get some sleep before then!Oh and if anyone wants to see daily pictures of Cole for his entire first year of life, visit Jeff's blog: http://peoplecallmecole.blogspot.com/. And a plug for my 365 project, 2010 version too: http://jenny365-2010.blogspot.com/.
