Mental Health Day

I took a mental health day from work today. I needed it. Bad.

The last three weeks have been a constant struggle to not totally lose it. I've felt like I could have a panic attack at any moment. I've been so anxious at work, at home, everywhere. I've had way too many projects at work, worked way too many hours, gotten home way too late, and then stayed up way too late or been woke up by one or both kids way too many times.

I'm on the verge of a stay in the mental hospital.

This might sound like a cop-out but I really feel like I have my struggle with the "baby blues" and postpartum issues months after I have a baby. I feel great the first 3-4 months but just like with Pearl, I remember starting to get emotional and irrational about this time. It seems like once my "transition back to work" period is up and the new baby thing has worn off and been forgotten, that's when I start to loose it. This last month has been especially hard. I don't know how to explain it other than feeling like you could cry, scream, shake, kill someone, or pass out all at the same time. If you've never truly experienced anxiety, you just won't get it. It's like you can't shut down and yet that's how you feel... shut down, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. It really sucks.

On top of that, Pearl has just about pushed me over the edge. Whoever said "terrible two's" must not have made it to the three's. They are WAY, WAY worse! She throws a fit over everything! We fight getting ready for the day, on the way to school, when I drop her off, when I pick her up, on the way home from school, when we get home, getting ready for dinner, getting ready for bed, etc, etc, etc. She yells, I yell, Jeff yells. And oh the whining and crying! Oh my gosh! It drives me totally insane!!! I have no clue what to do about it either! I feel so stupid saying this but I have no idea how to discipline that kid. Sometimes one thing works but then the next tantrum it doesn't. Pearl refuses to listen and obey anything we tell her until all of us are about to kill each other. She has a personality that is so stubborn, defiant, and independent and yet there is this really sensitive side to her too. I'm so afraid I'm going to damage her little spirit because I can't stay in control... I was in tears about it on Tuesday after I completely lost it with her after she refused to get ready so I could get to work. I feel like all I've been doing lately is ranting and raving about how horrible she is. Which makes me feel even worse! I really don't know what to do with her. If she's like this at three what in the world will the teen years be like? Please, all you wonderful, patient moms out there what do we do? I love, love, love her, I really do. I just can't take the whining, crying, screaming, tantrums, telling me no, crusty looks, anymore.

Something new

I need something new. I'm too big of a chicken to change the background of my blog, in the fear of losing my life's history for the past two years, so I figured a new title would a good start. My problem is I'm not very creative when it comes to these sorts of things. And our last name is pretty boring so it doesn't have anything to really play off of. Plus I don't want to have our last name in the title anyway... something about potential Internet weirdos out there.

I came up with a few ideas but really, people, help me please!

• Life with a True Aggie
• True Aggies x 4
• My Formally Hot Life - ok so this is technically plagiarism because there is a book I will read someday called this but it seems so fitting!
• I used to be cool
• Ramblings of a Mom on the Edge
  

Well that's it for ideas. Pathetic huh? I should probably fess up and name my blog something that truly fits my posts like... ramblings of a mom on edge, who can't keep her house or office clean, boarding a nervous breakdown, with two cute but strong willed children and husband in tow... but that seems a bit much. Any suggestions?