Good Riddance Day

Today is Good Riddance Day.

How do I know you ask? The Internet, well more specifically Facebook. So it must be true.

Apparently the idea is to say goodbye to your worst memory from 2011 once and for all. Well, considering I refrained from posting a "Festivus for the rest of us" post last week, ahem, more specifically an "Airing of Grievances," I couldn't pass up a second opportunity to tell 2011 to kiss my rear end.

Let's start with the Festivus rant that almost came. I was a grouch last week. A real grouch. Like worse than grinch-like. I won't go into details about what set me off but let's just say I was feeling emotionally done from the ENTIRE year's roller coaster ride. I was being a real ________ (you fill in the blank with a word that starts with a "b"). I was mean at home to Jeff and the kids. My coworkers could tell something was bugging me. I took a few hours off one day to do some Christmas shopping because one, I was having anxiety over those last minute gifts yet to be bought, and two, because I just couldn't take it anymore and needed a mental health break. On my way back from said shopping excursion, I stopped by WinCo to buy Jeff some of these Christmas gummy bears that only WinCo sells as a way of saying sorry for being a ________ (insert same "b" word here). I almost cried right there in the bulk section of the store when those gummy bears were the one single barrel that was empty. I called Jeff almost in tears promising him I was going to try to be "sweet and kind" (inside joke) but the gummy bears were nowhere to be found. He just laughed and said with that, all was forgiven. Whew. That same night, on our way home from one of the three trips back and forth to Logan that week, I blabbered to Jeff for over an hour about how I was feeling. Now, you can all imagine how excited he was to listen to his "pleasant" wife's rants at 11 p.m., but he actually agreed with everything I was saying and validated that all my emotions were completely in line! Most of them anyway.

And that's where the Festivus celebration comes into play. Jeff suggested we give everyone a Festivus card and air our grievances. Sadly (for us or them, I'm not sure) we came up with something for everyone. We almost went through with it too, until we realized we weren't ready to deal with the potential crying if someone didn't get the whole Festivus airing of grievances thing.

So no Festivus post. But now that I can say good riddance to 2011, I'm doing it! I hope I don't hurt any one's feelings or divulge too much of my family's personal saga, but here's good riddance to:

*Four deaths in the family in two months (all on my Dad's side of the family)
*Two broken marriages
*Hurt feelings, guilt, betrayal, confusion, fear, and the worst rage I've ever felt (and want to feel) in my life
*A text message that I will never forget
*Arrests, jail, court appearances, sentencings
*Emergency surgery
*Two suicide attempts, one nearly changed everything
*Sassy, defiant, trying, strong-willed, and exhausting children
*102 mph wind storm
*Emotions I never thought possible
*Turning down a job three times
*Wondering if my Grandma has enough fight left to win another battle of clinical depression and severe anxiety
*Seeing more wicked, sadness, and evil in this world than I ever wanted to imagine and knowing that my family's problems are no bigger or worse than anyone else

I can't even begin to describe the wear and tear from this year on me, my family, my marriage. I've drank more Mt. Dew (aka Mormon's liquor) and sworn more this year than I have in all the rest of the 30 years I've been on this planet combined! At one point I debated about doing a play-by-play account of monthly, if not weekly additions to the saga of 2011 but for your sake and for the sake of my posterity, I refrained. I had to laugh when Jeff and I went to tithing settlement a few weeks ago and the Bishop looked at our tithing for the year and said with a surprised look in his voice, "The Lord has been very good to you this year." We both turned and looked at each with a roll of our eyes. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful I don't have to list major money struggles on my good riddance list but it hasn't been easy. Had it not been for two little pip-squeaks who needed to eat or be changed or entertained, I probably would have crawled into a black hole and never come out. It still doesn't excuse my behavior at times, but forgive me for being insensitive, complainy, sharp, and just plain rude.

But you know what, I survived. Barely. I think Jeff and I are closer because of everything. There were a lot of good things about 2011 too. It sounds cheesy but I am so grateful I keep a blog, well two blogs, because those posts are filled with funnies, happy memories, smiling children, and growing-up pains. They remind me that not everything was bad. Without them though, I'm afraid I would only remember the crap that seemed to encompass so much. I know my problems are no bigger or worse than anyone else's. I know there was a lot to be grateful for. I know I have a whole bunch of happy memories from this year that more than make up for any bad ones. I know everyone struggles. I know that if given the choice, I'd keep my own trials over someone else's. But this is a good riddance post and I'm allowed to say goodbye to everything craptastic that happened.

Let's just end with a wish and prayer that 2012 is less chaotic than 2011. Good riddance!

(And if you have no clue what Festivus or the Airing of Grievances is all about, really! Read about it and then watch the Seinfeld episode)