Nooner

Jeff and I had a "nooner" today... and NO it is not what you're thinking.

We had a lunch date. With a room full of Aggie testosterone. I think I was one of three females in attendance. Jeff, as you well know, is a devoted USU fan. A fanatic really. He spends hours pouring over the Aggie boards listening to all the details and insider info on football and basketball. We fork over all our extra money to the university just so we can then drive to Logan at least 30 times from September to March and watch sports, freezing our tailends off and complaining about how cold Logan is. He also goes to all the coaches luncheons where he gets to socialize with other crazed Aggie fans and avoid yet another boring sandwich I'd make him for lunch. But he loves every second of it. And that's where our "nooner" came in to play today. Jeff asked me last night if I wanted to go. I usually turn him down for these kind of things but since I didn't want to make just one lunch, I took him up on the offer. He looked at me a bit puzzled and said something to the effect that I could care less about football. To which I replied back, "Yes, true. But I love you and you love football."

And so we went together. I felt all sneaky, leaving both kids at daycare (hoping that Cole would survive without me until I got back to work... didn't happen... he was starving when I got back, hence pictures of us at the USU vs. BYU football game instead of us on a date today) and running out for a long lunch. The food was yummy - much better than any sandwich I'd have come up with. There were plenty of fanatics just like my husband and it suddenly became clear to me why Jeff goes to these things. However, I am in dire need of some Football Lingo 101 if I'm going to fit in with this crowd. What the heck is a FBS school anyway? And I thought only basketball had a guard. So our little "nooner" got me thinking, are dates really THAT big of a deal in marriage? I think this is the first date we've been on without one of our kids in well, almost a year! Pathetic. In our eight years of marriage, we've probably gone on a handful of actual dates together - not counting Aggie basketball games. Most of the time I hardly notice or care. But then should I? We've taken that Marriage and Family Relations Sunday School class at least five times since we've been married - never once finishing the entire thing because we moved, had a baby, got put in Primary, etc - and they always talk about dating and courtship in marriage. And every time we have that lesson Jeff and I go home thinking, have we missed the boat on this one? Should we be dating? It seems like all the "older" married couples religiously go on weekly dates but everyone closer to our age doesn't. I don't know if it's just the drudgery of everyday life, money, kids or what but we've never really been big on going on dates since we've been married. I don't know as if we've felt cheated by this or not either... we seem to be ok. But then again I got to thinking doe we really know each other's hopes, dreams, fears? Would we communicate better during those hard times if we made time for just us more often?

At any rate, I actually looked up the lesson that talks about nurturing love and friendship in a marriage to see if it was really counsel from church leaders or just our teachers trying to make us feel guilty. Guess it's the real deal. The lesson says:

• “Friendship is … a vital and wonderful part of courtship and marriage. A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship. Nothing is more inspiring in today’s world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other’s friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality” (Elder Marlin K. Jensen of the Seventy in Conference Report, Apr. 1999, 81; or Ensign, May 1999, 64).
• One of the less obvious but more significant reasons for divorce is “the lack of a constant enrichment in marriage, … an absence of that something extra which makes it precious, special, and wonderful, when it is also drudgery, difficult, and dull.” He counseled: “In the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine” (President James E. Faust in Conference Report, Oct. 1977, 13–14; or Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10–11).
• “Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together—just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling” (Elder Joe J. Christensen of the Seventy in Conference Report, Apr. 1995, 86; or Ensign, May 1995, 65).

Great. I guess I should feel guilty for not feeling guilty about the whole dating thing. So, I'm curious. What do you all think about courtship during marriage? Are we the only ones who struggle with this? Do you really think marriages suffer without it? Is it really something that you have to do every week? How do you keep your courtship alive?