I just can't help it

I swear a day doesn't go buy that some random stranger stops me and says I need to enter Cole in a baby contest. IF ANYONE KNOWS OF ONE THAT IS LEGIT, TELL ME! A little help with college would be nice. He'd win for sure. And since this isn't just me believing this, I figured I'd keep sharing how adorable he is with the rest of the world. I just can't believe this adorable little boy is mine! Seriously, how unbelievably cute is he with those bright blue eyes? And no, I don't Photoshop these baby blues at all!I wish I would have had my camera when Pearl was a baby. She was pretty dang cute herself... that's why we figured we could risk having another baby because our first one was cute. I take a gazillion pictures of him, way too many to post but I just can't help myself!

My favorite thing to do with Cole is talk to him. I love seeing him muster up all his energy to cooh, oooh, and ahhh! He also does this squeal sort of noise where he inhales as much air as he can and then squeals... super cute. Sometimes he will kick and squirm when he talks, like the day I took these pictures. I'll spare you the videos until another day. I just can't get enough of it. It always makes my day brighter... even if 30 seconds before he starts talking he was screaming at me!
Cole loves sucking on his fingers, well more like his entire fist. He makes the funniest smacking sounds when he's chomping on his fist. By nine weeks Pearl had figured out how to get her thumb in her mouth but Cole can't seem to release his death grip and gives you this weird look when you try to get his thumb in there. I know what you're all thinking... don't encourage him to suck his thumb! Who wants a kid sucking their thumb in kindergarten? But I tell ya, if I don't have to be a human pacifier for a few minutes, I'll take it. Plus, Pearl eventually gave up thumb sucking when she got a really bad cold or the flu and couldn't breathe and suck on it at the same time. It worked out great! Plus he is so dang cute when he's gnawing on his fingers I can't help but let him try.I tell Cole these are his little friends... those funny things that hang on his bouncy chair. Playtime only lasts about 20 minutes and goes something like this.

Amusing...boring...starting to freak out...happy again (and talking to them)...
and I'm done.Cole is even cute in the stroller. I sure hope he gets used to this thing because it's a lifesaver on trips to the park now that he has some meat on him. His chubby legs remind me of a turkey drumstick... you just want to pinch them they are so cute. And with that, I'll leave you with one last picture... because I just can't help it!

I can't

I can't sleep.

I can't believe how tired I am, yet can't sleep. I can't imagine what tomorrow will bring if I don't eventually go to bed.

I can't believe I'm not freaking out from the thunder I just heard. I'm terrified of thunder, wind too. But once you're a mom you can't be a wuss all the time.

I can't.

I just can't do it.

I can't go back to work. In less than two weeks.

I can't leave Cole at daycare. I can't stand the thought of it actually.

I can't stand the thought of missing him all day. Missing his "show me your muscles" poses. Missing how he bites his bottom lip... just like Jeff does when he's concentrating on something. Missing his unbelievable hair. His blue eyes. His ever growing chubby legs. His sweet coos, oohs, squeals, and smiles. Missing out on everything.
I can't stand the thought of him crying all day there. On his back. With no one holding him and loving him like I do. Not changing his diapers for the upteenth time in an hour (he can't stand to sit in even a smidge of a piddley diaper). Not getting to swing outside with him when he refuses to just give in to being tired and take a nap.

I can't stand the thought of someone not patiently dealing with his reflux. Wondering if they listened to me and put him on his stomach to sleep. He's a hard baby. I know the hard babies at daycare are the ones the teachers get sick of the fastest. The ones they don't want to deal with day after day. The ones that just get plopped in the bouncy chairs or swings. Or the ones that their moms get called down a zillion times a day "because I think he's hungry" only to have a whole fiasco when they won't eat, get your milk flowing, scream because it's not what they want, then you spend another 30 minutes calming them down only to realize you will NEVER get to go home at this rate.
I can't imagine going an entire day without moving him from place to place, from bouncy chair, to the floor, to holding him, to going outside, to bouncing him on your knees, to putting him up on your shoulder, then feeding him and doing this over and over again at least every 30 minutes. I can't stand the thought of not carrying him around tucked under my arm so he can look over my shoulder, all while wondering how on earth I'm going to get anything done around the house with him in my arms.I just can't leave him. I know I'm not a great stay-at-home mom and wife, and get remind that no one seems to think I'd be good as a permanent SAHM either, but I've tried to do my best. I don't think I have been or would be that horrible at it. I'm sure there are days when everyone wishes they were doing something else other than what they are but would I really miss all the meetings, emails, reports to read, grants to review, and did I mention meetings to go to? Everyone says they are counting down the days until I'm back, which is nice to know but what do my kids think when they get left at daycare and mom leaves them. I'm good at my paid job but how much better could I be at being a mom if I didn't work? Why is this so hard? With Pearl it wasn't so bad to go back to work. I was bored, she was an easy-going baby who loved new things, and I wanted to go back. But this time it's different. I am just sick thinking about leaving Cole. I don't know what to do.

I just can't do it.

"Cole" Country

Every 24th we head down to "Cole" country (aka Orangeville) for my Peacock family reunion. We nearly missed out this year though. Not because we broke down on Highway 6 (see last year's adventure), although I guess my cousins broke down on their way home but I've yet to hear all the details, but because of a little, crazy haired boy who does not like to be in his car seat. It was a hard decision for us to go because we feared 3+ hours of screaming there and 3+ hours of screaming back. We also feared staying home for the city's annual Handcart Days celebration. So we opted to try leaving as early in the morning as we could to hopefully trick Cole into thinking it was his regular morning nap. BINGO! It worked! We made it all the way to Helper before pulling over to feed and change him. Then again we also made it all the way to Helper (from Orangeville... not more than 45 minutes away) on the way back before we had to stop and feed him but this was the best Cole has been in the car ever! He was such a good boy the entire day. I was mighty impressed considering how unhappy he was the day before. He is just so adorable.Pearl was really good too. She spent most of her time running back and forth between the bouncy house, Aunt Kimmy, and asking someone to find her another pink lemonade. I'm pretty sure the kid literally jumped for at least six hours in the bouncy house. Since most of you reading this could care less about my family reunion, I'm never quite sure what to write about it. Basically we eat. And by eat I mean we eat essentially two things: meat (this is a ranch after all), even branded with the "lazy P" brand, and cream puffs... heavenly cream puffs. The day Aunt Beulah stops bringing these irresistible treats is the day I stop coming to the reunion. I kept teasing my Dad that he hadn't eaten a cream puff yet... something about pacing himself blah blah blah... so instead he ended up buying some at the auction and then asking Aunt Beulah for the extras (thanks to my brilliant idea to get as many as we could and freeze them) after most folks had cleared out. Score for our next get together!We looked at memorabilia from the Peacock Cash Store, Orangeville's general merchandise store for many, many years opened by my great-great grandparents. Seeing all this stuff sure makes me wish I knew more about my family history and had something to remember my great grandparents and Grandma by.
Speaking of my grandma, I sure miss her. All day there were little reminders of her and it made me really sad knowing she isn't here anymore. That she doesn't get to hold Cole and have tea parties with Pearl. That I don't have her here to tell me who everyone is in old pictures or tell me stories about them. Reminders like a handful of fresh peas that my mom picked for me. My mom's dad always made sure we had a sack of peas to take to my Grandma because he knew how much she loved them. My Grandma would eat an entire grocery sack (or two) of them for dinner. My Grandpa hated it when we'd bring her peas because he always said he wouldn't get dinner that night. There was even a Peacock Cash Store for the kids. I was super excited to see some homemade suckers for purchase because I remember my Great Grandma Peacock sending us a box of suckers for Christmas and Valentine's Day every year. I couldn't wait to get it and tried to explain to Pearl how neat these suckers were. She could have cared less what I was jabbering about... she just wanted to eat them! Thank heavens we finally ended lunch and got the auction going because I was on my third helping of cream puffs at this point. This year Jeff came prepared to outbid my Uncle Delroy and told me we could outbid anyone on anything ! Wahoo! Although I did question where he got all this money suddenly. I had my eyes set on a thermometer that had been on the Peacock Cash Store. I thought for sure it was going to go for a lot more than it did but we got it for a screaming price. And it still works.
My grandpa always brings some handmade crafts to the auction. And everyone goes nuts over them. Pathetic that the only way you get some of his creations is to outbid your relatives for them! Like the tops and turtle puzzle. How Kimmy - who came with only $9 to her name - walked away with not only the turtle puzzle but the raffle quilt too I have no idea! At least I didn't have to bid for one of her peacock pictures... I had already begged her to let me have her original painting.
Uncle Paul, Grandpa, Uncle Delroy, and Uncle Jim modeling their "murses" they were suckered into buying at the auction. They are so funny to watch as they tease each other and try to outbid each other on anything and everything. I can just picture these clowns as teenagers teasing each other and getting into all sorts of mischief. Their tabs get pretty hefty by the end of the auction and I'm pretty sure between Uncle Paul and my Grandpa, they single handedly pay for the reunion year after year.
Some views from the ranch that my sister took. I'm guessing next year I won't be so lucky and will have to actually bid on a painting she does from these pictures.
Reunions might not be the most fun way to spend a holiday weekend but they are sure a good reminder of your past and how important it is to document your own life experiences for your posterity. I know every year I wish I knew more about my ancestors, heck, even my own grandparents and parents for that matter. Thank goodness I'm addicted to blogging because my kids and grandkids should have plenty of funny stories to tell when I'm gone!

The best Bear Lake trip EVER (minus the ride there and back)

Epic. I never thought I'd hear Jeff say he wanted to go to Bear Lake for the weekend. For years he has tolerated going with me because he knows how much I love it. As I've mentioned before, my grandparents have beach front property and I spent many a summer day prior to marriage playing on the beach. It brings back memories and makes me happy. Even with the ghetto accommodations and "new fun of playing in the sun" with a newborn I still love to go.

But Jeff hates the heat and never has any toys to play with. Until this last weekend.

Our last trip over the 4th of July was the last straw for him. No more walking down to the beach through reeds, muck, mud, and rocks. No more sitting around being bored. No more wishing he was up in the mountains riding some trail. He said he wasn't coming back up unless he had one of these...I didn't think he'd really go through with the purchase. We went and looked at a few ATVs on Wednesday and by Friday we were the proud owners of a new Polaris Sportsman 400 ATV. Jeff asked me what his limit was and he found one that fit the budget. I've never seen him so giddy. But I'm not sure who was more excited about it, Jeff or Pearl. We had to practically drag Pearl out of the dealerships. Of course she was quite distraught when she learned we didn't have the money to buy the mammoth four wheeler with her own seat or the Side x Side which cost more than our car!

When we got home from what I thought was just window shopping, Jeff told me "we need to talk about it" before buying one. Ha. I told him to just do it, really thinking he'd never go through with it. The next thing I know, he's shouting with excitement, hands in the air, "I got a loan!" Uh, what happened to the "talking about it first?" It's by far the most non-essential, frivolous thing we have ever done!

So we borrowed my uncle's trailer, packed up, and headed up to Bear Lake to break in the new toy. Not even Cole's screaming for over an hour could deter Jeff from what he has now dubbed "the best Bear Lake trip EVER" - although it came dang close, especially the screaming on the ride home through construction and one potty break. Seriously, if it wasn't for the new toy we would have dubbed this the WORST Bear Lake trip ever with the ride up and back. Cole is NOT a good traveler yet. And it wasn't just Jeff and Pearl who were thrilled with the four wheeler. When my dad got home (we had to factor in at least one pit stop to feed Cole), he didn't even come in and say hi but walked right over to the new ride to check it out. Jeff decided to play a joke on him and hit the panic button to the truck just as he was about to touch the four wheeler. It was hilarious but man oh man was my dad excited (and I'm pretty sure a bit jealous). My mom was really excited too... mostly because she had been telling me to "let the man get a four wheeler" for months. Even my Grandpa was excited!So Jeff went on a morning ride every day, coming back dirty and happier than he's been in months. I think he finally felt like he could do something by himself. He took Pearl on rides all day long. She didn't have to beg very hard to get one either. They did "crazy driver" and "bagels" as Pearl called doughnuts. They went "super fast" - uh, ya they really did go super fast too. I was told I don't drive fast like dad nor do I do "bagels" like dad. Someone has to be the safety police! We also threw in the usual...

Raspberry milkshakes. Playing on the beach. I was bummed I didn't get any pictures of Pearl playing in the water - well pushing Jeff in the tube then jumping after him - but someone was always needing his mom! You wouldn't know it from these pictures, but Cole did not enjoy his first outing to the beach. At least he ate good down there. And thanks mom for having a spare pair of sunglasses in the trailer, even if they aren't very flattering on me.
Building sandcastles.Enjoying the outdoor shower. So, so, so much better than getting all the sand hosed out of your swimming suits than having to use the outdoor hose! Thank you Bath & Body Works for plastering every hotel with your shampoos and lotions! Napping. Pearl crashed after four wheeling and playing in the sun all day. Even Cole had a three, yes three hour nap one day! Jeff and I could believe it. Of course it has to be a day that we aren't driving anywhere! The kid never naps longer than 45 minutes!
And just to shake things up a bit, going to the city park to do "super underdogs" and "buzz lightyears" on the swings.
After three days of zooming up and down the beach (we have successfully managed to figure out how to get all four of us, plus all the beach essentials, down in one trip), putting 50 miles on the new toy, and hitting the 53 mph mark (I just smiled through clenched teeth when he told me this) we headed home only to begin the countdown for the next trip to Bear Lake. That and counting down until we get a second four wheeler! Double the fun, right?