I took a mental health day from work today. I needed it. Bad.
The last three weeks have been a constant struggle to not totally lose it. I've felt like I could have a panic attack at any moment. I've been so anxious at work, at home, everywhere. I've had way too many projects at work, worked way too many hours, gotten home way too late, and then stayed up way too late or been woke up by one or both kids way too many times.
I'm on the verge of a stay in the mental hospital.
This might sound like a cop-out but I really feel like I have my struggle with the "baby blues" and postpartum issues months after I have a baby. I feel great the first 3-4 months but just like with Pearl, I remember starting to get emotional and irrational about this time. It seems like once my "transition back to work" period is up and the new baby thing has worn off and been forgotten, that's when I start to loose it. This last month has been especially hard. I don't know how to explain it other than feeling like you could cry, scream, shake, kill someone, or pass out all at the same time. If you've never truly experienced anxiety, you just won't get it. It's like you can't shut down and yet that's how you feel... shut down, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually. It really sucks.
On top of that, Pearl has just about pushed me over the edge. Whoever said "terrible two's" must not have made it to the three's. They are WAY, WAY worse! She throws a fit over everything! We fight getting ready for the day, on the way to school, when I drop her off, when I pick her up, on the way home from school, when we get home, getting ready for dinner, getting ready for bed, etc, etc, etc. She yells, I yell, Jeff yells. And oh the whining and crying! Oh my gosh! It drives me totally insane!!! I have no clue what to do about it either! I feel so stupid saying this but I have no idea how to discipline that kid. Sometimes one thing works but then the next tantrum it doesn't. Pearl refuses to listen and obey anything we tell her until all of us are about to kill each other. She has a personality that is so stubborn, defiant, and independent and yet there is this really sensitive side to her too. I'm so afraid I'm going to damage her little spirit because I can't stay in control... I was in tears about it on Tuesday after I completely lost it with her after she refused to get ready so I could get to work. I feel like all I've been doing lately is ranting and raving about how horrible she is. Which makes me feel even worse! I really don't know what to do with her. If she's like this at three what in the world will the teen years be like? Please, all you wonderful, patient moms out there what do we do? I love, love, love her, I really do. I just can't take the whining, crying, screaming, tantrums, telling me no, crusty looks, anymore.
9 comments:
Hey Jenny---I can totally relate!! I found this audiobook that I listen to while I am at work called "ScreamFree Parenting" by Hal Runkel and I love it..it's about learning to calm yourself down rather than focusing on your kids--you should listen to it. It sounds good in theory, but I am not always very good at it! I still need to figure out how to be positive & happy all the time--it seems like everyone else can do it--just not me! I've been wondering if I have the baby blues, too. I keep thinking that it is just me being negative, impatient, overwhelmed, and on the verge of tears over nothing--and that I just need to change my attitude, but I can't figure out how.
It's so funny how I can relate to almost all of your posts. Our 2 kids are almost the exact same ages, and I wish I had the way with words like you do...I can just say ditto to everything you say! Hang in there--hopefully (for both our sakes) it will get better!!
I don't know about Pearl, but I remember Cooper being old enough to be mad that I was working so he'd totally act out. I think it's way easier to work when they are little and don't really mind so much as long as they are fed and changed. So maybe try spending lots of extra (positive...no screaming! ha ha) time with her when you can so she feels like she is getting your love and attention. So hard...hang in there!!!
First of all, you're a great mom. Its just that being a mom is hard. So much harder than many moms will tell you, which is why its refreshing you wrote this. Parenting isn't all smiles. Sometimes its a fight for sanity. Hang in there. May just be a phase she is going through that will alleviate with time.
Call your damn sister Jenny! Seriously, I know that I've been working like crazy, but I work GRAVEYARDS. Meaning I am always home if you need me to come over or take Pearl. CALL ME.
I think Pearl might be feeling a little neglected. Not that I think you neglect her! From what I read on your blog, you are a great mom! But, since Cole arrived, it's been all about him - how adorable he is, his amazing hair, etc. When people stop you and comment on him, she stands there and hears it, and how does her little brain process all the attention he gets? I think she just needs her mom. Try leaving Cole home with dad now and then, and just take Pearl out shopping, to eat, a movie, whatever. Make it all about her, and how much you love her, and how wonderful you think she is. It won't fix everything, but it can't hurt. As for the anxiety, I found an over the counter wonder drug. Relacore. I first tried it a few years back because of it's claims to reduce belly fat. Okay, it doesn't do that at all, but it does contain a lot of herbals that do wonders for anxiety. It really takes the edge off, and calms that "boiling" feeling inside. My husband calls them my happy pills, and says he can tell a huge difference when I'm not taking them. Try it. You've got nothing to lose. Oh, and if you are wondering who this crazy lady is that is commenting on your blog, I'm Jason Jones' mom. He has been friends with Jesse for years. I hope you don't care if I read your blog! But, I've been a young mom, and know it's not easy. You'll survive. Trust me. I had a kid who arrived with a stubborn heart too, and he was the challenge of my life. But, and I shouldn't admit this, he has turned out to have a spot in my heart that the others don't have. Someday you might feel that way about Pearl. And it's worth hanging in there to feel it.
Oh Jenny! I can relate to the baby blues. I actually had pretty bad postpartum depression and I actually took an antidepressant but it isn't for everyone. I do know that when I am hormonal it is hard to be patient, calm and rational. I would definitely suggest doing some exercise or getting some calm time to yourself to recharge and even look into an herbal supplement like Kathy suggested.
Everyone I talk to says that 3s are harder than 2s so I think that is normal. I know sometimes Mike and Olivia have bad days and he needs a break so the time they do spend is better quality time instead of discipline left and right.
Hang in there. Your a great mom.
It sounds like I have the same problem you do, without the baby blues. So when you figure out what works, you let me know. Because I feel like I've tried everything.
So, let me just say I've been there- a lot. I seem to have been a very hormonal/emotional sensitive person (big surprise, there, huh). I was fine after Jos, but had major partum and post-partum issues with Gunner. Mine seemed to be slightly cylic, so my doctor prescribed both a birth-control pill (in case it was hormonal problems) and anti-depressant. During my pregnancy with Emme was the first time in 3 years that I felt more like myself. I had crazy anxiety (panic attacks where I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest) and feeling so wound up all of the time. If you are kind-of worried, see a doctor. It can only help (IMO). You don't need to be on meds forever if they are prescribed.
Things do get better, though. Pearl sounds like such a darling little stinker!! She seems like one of the special spirits with SO MUCH SPIRIT!! :) First, don't worry, you aren't going to ruin her. Remember, Heavenly Father sent her spirit to your family for a reason. You are called to be her mother because you are the right mother for her. Second, I agree with the poster who mentioned trying to spend one-on-one time with her. It seems to help when one of my beasties are struggling with me (and me with them). It might help. Hang in there sweetie and feel free to email me or call if you want to talk!
libertyapplegate@ymail.com
757-877-1913
Catching up on your blog (didn't know you had 3:) All I can say is a resounding, I totally know how you feel and yes it's hard to work with 2 kids but mostly I just think Pearl is 3. Ben is constantly testing and throwing fits about every little thing, not b/c I think he's needing attention but b/c he's learning to be a person. Like you, I'm not always as patient as I could be. And I'm constantly experimenting with different forms of discipline but haven't found anything that works fantastically or that I'm particularly consistent with. Give yourself some credit Jenny, you're a great mom that has lots on her plate but Pearl and Cole adore you! It helps somedays when I remind myself that Ben is just being 3 and is not the manipulative monster I sometimes make him out to be:) We all have rough spots - you'll get through.
Post a Comment