An apology letter to my Mother

Dear Mom,

I'm sorry for crying {a lot} when you made me wear jeans for family pictures.

I'm sorry for crawling through the kitchen window that one night... and for getting caught.

I'm sorry for staying out really, really late my first year of college talking with a friend in the church parking lot {note: it was NOT Jeff... it was a girl I lived by}. And that you had to come and find Rachel and I and kick both of our butts home.

I'm sorry for all the forgotten birthdays.

I'm sorry for rewinding the end of the original 1963 Incredible Journey over and over again. And then laughing at you each time because you couldn't stop crying when Luath, Tao, and then old Bodger finally came down the hill reunited with his family after an amazing, 200 mile journey. I get it now... it's a tear jerker.

I'm sorry I begged and begged for you to play with my hair in church when all you probably wanted to do was have a few minutes of peace and quiet, and a chance to feel anything that would make you feel like the effort of dragging kids to church would be worth it someday.

I'm sorry for whining every time you wanted to drive around and look at the Christmas lights.

I'm sorry for complaining about dinner.

I'm sorry for not cleaning my room when you asked.

I'm sorry for not picking up the dog poop. OK, so that's a sorry for you and Dad.

I'm sorry for spilling that bowl of Cheerios all over the floor. And Dad's shoes.

I'm sorry I rammed into that dumpster and shattered the stupid van's tail light. And that that tail light was apparently rare and one of a kind because it cost me about $500 to fix. 

I'm sorry I got mad at you when you wanted to call my soccer coach and give her a piece of your mind. Which she deserved.

I'm sorry for all the times when you were sick and we still demanded dinner.

I'm sorry for all the Mother's Days that went by without a phone call, present, or even a lame card. 

I'm sorry for all the times I said you were the worst mom ever and I hate you.

I'm sorry we never let you pick where you wanted to go for dinner or watch what you wanted to watch.

I'm sorry for all the times you felt inadequate.

I'm sorry that I don't remember all of the sacrifices you undoubtedly made for us.

I'm sorry for all the times I complained that I didn't want to do something that was important to you. Or cooperated when we "had" to.

I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me I was cute and to buy that bikini.

I'm sorry I fought with you over clothes and never wanted to go shopping with you.

I'm sorry I acted like a spoiled, entitled brat.

I'm sorry I thought I'd never forgive you for making me move into our first house and neighborhood with all the "mean" kids who have become some of my most wonderful, lifelong friends.

I'm sorry I didn't believe my friends when they said you were cool.

I'm sorry I blame you for my gross feet. But you know it's true :)

I'm sorry that you felt overwhelmed.

I'm sorry that I never thought being mom was the last thing you wanted to do after a long day of work.

I'm sorry I thought you were the only Mom who was late to pick up their kid from soccer practice.

I'm sorry that first sewing lesson project {a simple drawstring bag} cost you $80.

I'm sorry for calling you at work because Jesse and I were fighting. 

I'm sorry for all the times that you wanted to sell us to the Gypsies. {You should have}

I'm sorry I had and still have a hard time telling you I love you.

I'm sorry I gave you a hard time for shrinking my favorite sweater in high school.

I'm sorry for all the times you felt unappreciated and unloved.

But most of all, I'm sorry I never knew how hard being a mom was. Because now it's my turn. And I'm worn out. Guilt ridden. Angry. Frustrated. Lost. And feel like a complete failure. 

Thanks for everything Mom.

{Oh, and only you will get this... Jesse did it}