It's starting to sink in.
I've found myself really anxious today. And Jeff says I've been a touch grouchy the past few days. Yesterday after church I sat on my bed and cried for a few minutes for no reason. I feel sort of emotionless though. The last year or two I've felt like that a lot... too much hurt and stress happened to let myself get like that again. But it's unhealthy for me because instead of mourning or crying I tend to get in a rage now. I used to not be like that.
I've found myself really anxious today. And Jeff says I've been a touch grouchy the past few days. Yesterday after church I sat on my bed and cried for a few minutes for no reason. I feel sort of emotionless though. The last year or two I've felt like that a lot... too much hurt and stress happened to let myself get like that again. But it's unhealthy for me because instead of mourning or crying I tend to get in a rage now. I used to not be like that.
Hungry, bored, sassy children, an endless stack of work, and an energetic puppy have kept me as busy as ever. Which in a way is good because for most of the day I don't have time to even think about tomorrow or the next day. But I know this might backfire on me too when we make the drive to Logan and it finally hits me that this is real. He is gone. Grandma is gone. It's real. I go back and forth throughout the day about whether I want to just go "home" and be with my family for a week or if I want to avoid everyone. I'll probably be a complete wreck at the funeral... just in time for me to say the closing prayer... can't anyone else in the family be religious? :)
I know... he was old. He didn't feel good. He's with Grandma again. But at some point I still have to go trough the loss and it's starting to hit me. And I want time to mourn... not have to rush around to and from the funeral and viewing and graveside service then back to normal, daily life. I want to go into hiding for awhile and am already dreading the fact that I've got to be back to work Thursday. Going into hiding, yeah, it's not going to happen. Especially with people who like to be fed dinner, and have clean clothes, and attention, and nightly doggie walks and work deadlines. Can't everyone just leave me alone to sort through old pictures? To try and remember all those memories somewhere in my foggy brain? And write them down before I forget them again? Remember that Cole's middle name is Royal... named after Grandpa... how did it not dawn on me at first? To go to Grandpa's shop to take pictures of his tools and wood shavings left just how he last touched them? That's what I want to do.
Alone.
I know... he was old. He didn't feel good. He's with Grandma again. But at some point I still have to go trough the loss and it's starting to hit me. And I want time to mourn... not have to rush around to and from the funeral and viewing and graveside service then back to normal, daily life. I want to go into hiding for awhile and am already dreading the fact that I've got to be back to work Thursday. Going into hiding, yeah, it's not going to happen. Especially with people who like to be fed dinner, and have clean clothes, and attention, and nightly doggie walks and work deadlines. Can't everyone just leave me alone to sort through old pictures? To try and remember all those memories somewhere in my foggy brain? And write them down before I forget them again? Remember that Cole's middle name is Royal... named after Grandpa... how did it not dawn on me at first? To go to Grandpa's shop to take pictures of his tools and wood shavings left just how he last touched them? That's what I want to do.
Alone.
Don Royal Jewkes
Logan, Utah - Don Royal Jewkes, 80, died from natural causes Wednesday, January 9, 2013 at the Logan Regional Medical Center. Don was born in Los Angeles, California on September 1, 1932, the second child of Royal S. and Kathryn Dailey Jewkes. He grew up in Colton, California and move to Castle Dale, Utah as a teenager. He attended South Emery High School where he was active in sports and he met his wife of fifty-two years, Nan Peacock Jewkes (deceased 2003). Don and Nan were married in the Manti Temple June 5, 1951 and had a family of three children. Don worked in monument shops in Utah and Colorado as a young man and had a successful career of more than 30 years as a Sales Representative with Nabisco in Price and Logan, Utah. After retirement, Don worked as a carpenter remodeling numerous homes and churches in the Cache Valley area and he was a very creative and accomplished woodworker. Don served a mission with his wife for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints in Nauvoo, Illinios. He was an active member of his Church and served as an Ordinance Worker in the Logan Temple. His greatest joys were being with his family, making things in his woodshop, and helping others. He is survived by his three children: Denise (Daniel) Kohler, Salt Lake City, Utah; Kenneth (Karen) Jewkes, North Logan, Utah; and Julie (Robert) Dyer, Sandy, Utah; seven grandchildren; ten great-grandchildren; and his siblings: Ann (Stewart) Snow, Lakeway, Texas; Sue (Hal) Sperber, St. George, Utah; and David (Kathleen) Jewkes, Ft. Collins, Colorado. Funeral services will be held at Noon Wednesday, January 16, 2013 in the Hillcrest 1st Ward Chapel at 875 North 1500 East, Logan, Utah. A viewing will be held from 6-8 PM Tuesday January 15, 2013 at the Allen Mortuary at 420 East 1800 North, North Logan, Utah and from 10:30-11:30 AM prior to the funeral services at the Hillcrest 1st Ward. Interment will be in the Logan City Cemetary.
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