Nearly dead

It serves me right.

I gave Jeff a lot of crap when he became old.

And tomorrow it's my turn.

So in my state of being "nearly dead" as Jeff so affectionately calls it, I thought I'd mourn over the loss of my 20s. I'm having a hard time leaving them. They were so good to me, most of the time anyway.

Seriously, this 30 thing is really getting to me. How on earth did I get so old? I feel like I'm falling apart! I'm blaming it on two kids. They age you at least 10 years... each! I swear I should just be graduating from high school or at minimum college. Not be 25 minutes away from dying, again as Jeff has reminded me will happen tomorrow on my birthday everyday for the past month. How did this happen?

I often look in the mirror and think to myself, "What happened to me? I used to be skinny. I used to not be so flabby. I used to not have bags under my eyes. I used to be outgoing. I used to be fun. I used to be young, sexy, with long, gorgeous hair, a beautiful smile, and loads of attitude and energy, tons of goals, and an ambition to conquer the world. I used to be...."

I used to be. It's a saying that often floats around in my mushy brain these days. It can be a paralyzing thought for me. I can't really describe it but I have a hard time not comparing myself to everyone around me and even comparing myself to, well, me. I know everyone changes, grows, and morphs into new selves throughout their lives but lately I've been thinking I haven't done much of anything except just get old. Does anyone else feel like that? Like you're sort of two people... the "old" you back in the day and the you now. Don't get me wrong, I never want to relive high school again and I wouldn't trade my kiddos or husband for anything I had back in the young, single days but this geezerhood business isn't such a fun thought.