I've been thinking a lot lately about being a wife and mother. Most days I'm not very good at either. Take Saturday for example. After helping Jeff to "curb appeal" our front yard, and later finding him asleep and sore on the floor, I decided to make dinner. Jeff was going to grill hamburgers but we left the sprinklers on and the grill was soaked. So I turned to my usual backup plan and starting making a pizza. Normally, I think I make a pretty good pizza but today when I pulled it out of the oven, something seemed to be missing. It honestly took me a good minute before I finally realized what had happened. I totally forgot to put the cheese on it! I was frantic, embarrassed, somewhat amused at myself, and almost in tears all at the same time. Jeff didn't (and won't until he reads this) know I had done this but after telling Pearl to go wake up daddy, I hurried and threw some cheese on top and stuck it back in the oven. Thankfully cheese just has to melt on a pizza and no one let on that they noticed anything out of the ordinary, except me.
Sunday rolled around and in my attempt to redeem my hatred of cooking (remember this incident or this one, yes I hate cooking and cooking seems to hate me), I decided to make some lime bars. What I secretly hope will happen when I make treats is that Jeff will be so enchanted by them that he will gobble them up, all while smacking his lips, and saying yummmmm until I can't stand the compliments anymore. It never happens. I knew I had some sweet & condensed milk that the recipe called for but what I hadn't realized was that it was years past the best used by date. Urghhh. But we had squeezed every single lime in the house, baked the graham cracker crust, and were one ingredient away from complete commitment to finish. I was terrified I'd poison us all by using it but decided after some online research to just go for it. Did you know that most cooking websites say that stuff lasts forever but it turns into what looks like caramel after a few years? I didn't think the lime bars turned out that bad, and I haven't gotten sick, but then again I'm the only one eating them. I guess it's a sign that I'm more of a 2, maybe a 3 cow wife on a really good day. If you have no idea what I'm referring to, you have to take a half hour out of your day and watch Johnny Lingo (Yes, you can watch it on Youtube, how cool is that?!).
Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't consider myself a total ugo like everyone thought poor Mahana was. Although this morning's hair incident might contradict this. After spending 20 minutes trying to do my hair, I simply gave up and washed it in the kitchen sink then started over. Yes, I'm that crazy but when your job entails meetings and possible media interviews everyday, you can't have a totally horrible hair day because those are the days you "get" to be on TV. Anyway, when it comes to most wifely duties, I stink at them. I can't cook, sew, bake bread or birthday cakes (apparently this comes with the territory of being a good mom), keep my house clutter free or even dusted for that matter, stick to a budget, and let's not even start with my gardening skills! I constantly tell Pearl no or don't do this or pick this up or come here. I forget to say prayers with her before bed and most days she could probably pass as an orphan. Well, this isn't entirely my fault... I do comb Pearl's wild hair everyday but she always pulls it out. I constantly wonder if I'm teaching Pearl anything that she will need to make good decisions in her life, if she will be nice to people, and if I do enough to help her learn language skills. I'm sure that half the time she's bored out of her mind with me. The list could go on and on and on. When I stop and think about having another baby someday (no this is NOT an announcement), I almost freak out with the thought of possibly quitting my job and staying home. I know this is totally selfish to think but when you suck at mom/wife responsibilities as it is, what kind of disaster am I looking at if I stayed home all the time? I'm good at my job, which is why I guess I still work (not to mention I have to help pay for Jeff's NCAA Tournament lottery tickets he won today :)), and why I went back to school. But being a mom and wife, not so good most days. I really don't know how my friends do it... all while getting their exercise in each day, learning how to do all these crafty and wifely things, and keeping their kids happy and healthy. Really, how do you do it?
Sorry to sound like I'm wanting a pity party. I guess I am just disappointed in myself lately and feeling like I'll never become the mom and wife I always imagined myself being someday. It's just a lot harder than I thought and the older, slower, and fatter I get the harder it is to reach down deep inside and become that person I know I should be.
10 comments:
Hey Jenny, first of all, being a stay at home DOES NOT mean that you are a good one! :) I honestly feel the same way you do most days. I feel like I am not up to par. Am I doing enough to teach the kids? Am I really being the best mom that I can be? Honestly, being a mom is very hard work, you know that, but you also know that it is priceless to get those hugs and kisses!!! Hang in there, you are a great Mommy!!!
Oh Jenny!!! I AM a SAHM and I feel the same way you do! Somedays I think why do I even have children?? I'm ruining them. Phillip and I are contimplating on having another baby somtime and I often wonder "why"?? What if I really mess this sweet little spirit up? I don't like to cook and will only occasionally bake something for Sunday at my parents. A lot of craft projects I take on I mess up and have to end up fixing...if I ever finish them at all! My kids eat a lot of chicken nuggets of out the freezer to the microwave (who wants to turn on the oven??). My kids look like mowglis waaaay more than I would like. Oh, the list could go on and on and on!! Don't get down on yourself (I need to tell myself that more often, too). You can do it and Pearl loves you. I have to remind myself that the joy in motherhood comes in moments. Afterall, Pearl is fed and very loved. What more does she need? :)
I think all moms feel this way. If you think that other moms are perfect and can cook and spend all day doing motherly things (and well) all day long, you are crazy! Nothing is wrong with being a little selfish as a mother, we give up a good chunk of ourselves when we have babies and deserve to still want things for us.
And if you want to feel better about your cheese pizza, my sil baked rhodes rolls with the saran wrap on them once.
They were shiny.
Cheer up! Pearl is a happy little baby and that is because she knows her mommy loves her. And that is all that matters.
Funny how we all say the same thing. Everything looks SO great from afar. I KNOW there are these fabulous, chef-crafter-teacher-spiritual leader-playmate-amazing housekeeper moms out there, but I'm not one. I find I see my faults so often: shouting, crying, piles of laundry, dirty bathtub, letting my children wear their underwear more then one day, forgetting to read scriptures (or even worse, remembering but not doing it) in the attempt to get my kids to bed, neglecting my husband, not shaving my legs, deciding NOT to get ready today, having an ill-kept lawn...the lis seriously goes on. Why did the Lord decide to even give us these little ones? If I am the example...well...the world will be in trouble...Sigh...
But-I will remind you as I remind myself. The Lord DID see fit to send me babies. He DOES think I'm not ruining the world or he'd just zap me off (I know silly things, but it keeps me going on) every now and then I make my beasties giggle and grin, nobody really sees all the grime I see in my own house and when I rich, rich, rich I will hire a chef and no-one will have to suffer through my shudder-worthy food (yes, Josiah has shuddered through a bite of food I made him eat)
We love you, Jen. Trust us when we say we see your 10 cow merits even when you don't
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who lacks the "mom" skills (i.e. cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc). Not saying that you aren't a great mom because you are. You can tell in every post that you love your husband and little girl and THAT is what makes a great mom. besides balancing a job with family....uh....HARD!
That's funny with the pizza - I had no idea.
As I say - Fake it until you make it.
Jenny, don't be so hard on yourself, like everyone seems to agree, nobody is good at everything. If you randomly dropped by my house you would probably find a messy house, me still wondering what to cook for dinner, and my boys having their battles with each other. I am far from a perfect mother (they're having one right now!)
Fortunately Heavenly Father blessed us all with our own talents and skills. You just need to recognize what He has blessed you with. You are doing a great job with Pearl and Jeff. I honestly don't know how you handle going to work then come home tired and have to be a mom. That seems so much harder to me than what I do all day. I have all day to think about my kids and feeding them, cleaning, cooking, etc. You have work to think about all day then have to come home and figure out dinner, etc. I have no doubt you are doing much better than you are giving yourself credit for.
One thing I have learned being a mother is that if there is something I think I am not doing well, that doesn't mean I can't someday be better. I've learned that rather than waiting around for others to show me something or help me, I need to take the intiative myself and just do it. I know how smart you are Jenny and I have no doubt you can do the same. If you want to be a better gardener, you can, ask for help, read books, etc. If you want to learn to sew, take a class. If you want to cook better meals, practice and plan ahead. Most importantly...always remember everything doesn't have to be (and honestly cannot be) perfect. Just make it your best...that's all we're really asked to do!!
I Love that you say how you really feel, but you are crazy. YOu are such a good Mom and wife. And Jeff better be telling you that extra after reading this entry! But, seriously, you don't have to be good at everything. The one thing you have to be is loving, and that you are, no doubt about it. Who cares if you or Pearl can cook? Who cares if she looks dirty---you know she started out clean and it just means she had a great time being a kid that day. Who cares about those mundane things. Pearl will only remember how much you loved her and how much you sacrificed so she could be happy. As for having other kids and such, you just learn to do what you can. And you get a bit bored and/or overwhelmed the first little while that you are home--at least I fluctuated between those two. And then you get brave and try things and I call my sisters or Moms or friends to find out how to do things that I have no clue about. You have NO idea how many cakes I have ruined to figure out how to decorate em. Just give yourself some time. And being a working Mom is a whole different set of rules. I promise. I did it, I know. So, compare yourself to you and your expectations, not to anyone else around you. And if it makes you feel better, Rachel fell out of her crib today. How, I don't know, but yea, Mom of the year for that one! Miss you and hang in there. You are more than fantastic hon!
Jenny...I don't even have kids and already I'm worse off than you!! You are a great mother! First of all, Pearl is the CUTEST little girl ever...and second of all, she is SMARTER than pretty much any two year old on the face of the earth. I'd go so far as to say she's smarter than most of the three year olds at the daycare. And Nick and I like all your food, you are just being picky.
WELCOME TO MOMMYHOOD! I think that's what being a mommy is: seeing all the places you fail and still trying again the next day. I'm constantly in awe of just how much there is to teach my children - and all of it should have been done already!
And yet, they usually turn out to be great kids. It's like someone else makes up the diffrence for all our shortcomings . . .Oh wait! That's what the gospel is all about!
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